54 Years Working



Matthew - 18; Elizabeth - 22 & Sarah - 14

I am serving my notice after 54 years of hard work - it is a minimum of a 4 year notice period, but I have tendered my resignation and beginning the final 4 years of service in my 58-60 year working life.

Now many of you  may not have any idea what I am talking about, but today I figured out the following - I have been mothering my children for a total of 54 years.  Elizabeth for 22, Matthew for 18 and Sarah for 14.  Each of them has been a full-time job and I have dedicated all my love, time and energy to them, keeping only what I have left over for myself.  

It has been a wonderful job, the pay stinks; but the rewards have been amazing.  I have seen growth and development in all of them, and pay day may not have been in cold hard cash but smiles, hugs and words like 'I love you Mummy' are worth more than all the gold in the world.

So, why am I resigning?  Well I realised today, that unless I resign at some stage, my company (children) will stagnate. They cannot grow and take over their own leadership roles, while I remain working for them.

It is a long-term resignation as I have said - at least a 4 year programme, but today I start the process.  I need re-training, but I am looking so forward to retirement.

Away for so long!

Hi everyone,

I have been away from my Blog for so long that it signed me out and I needed to remember my password to sign back in - now that was a challenge.

So here I am finally back blogging:

I can breathe - it is so exciting and such a blessing.  In fact I am beginning to feel well again.  Have woken this morning after a full night's sleep, well almost and feeling a lot more refreshed.  Don't feel that every breath I take is accompanied by the need to cough.

So what to do today - well I could just rush back into my life full speed or I could be sensible and enjoy the lessons I have learnt from the last couple of weeks and that is to take life slowly, enjoying the experience.

I have really taken this lesson on board and am loving the slower pace of this December - spending real time with the children, playing games, doing baking together and loving life.

So I have scattered lawn fertiliser over the back garden in the gentle soft-soaking rain - what bliss - and I didn't cough.  Dressed up in a warm tracksuit afterwards - yes it is summer, but yesterday was our coldest December day since 1888, so track pants and top it is, and am now contemplating some serious digital scrapbooking and relaxation.

What a blessed life I lead.

Nothing Has to be Done!

I woke up this morning and realised that I don't HAVE to do  anything!

I am not sure when last I woke up and realised that I don't have to do a single thing; I didn't even have to get out of bed, as Mom was taking Matt to work.

I read, dozed and then finally slept and at 10.30am woke up refreshed and still thought "I don't have to do anything" - there are quite a few  things that I could do if I wanted. A few that might even be as important as 'should' do, but none that I have to do.

I feel rejuvinated for that reason - completely rejuvinated and refreshed. 

So today I am not going to do a single thing that I should or could do and may not even do anything that I want to do, I might just BE! I might just exist in the moment and live.

How wonderful!

If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is to keep walking.

I am not sure who wrote the above; but it is such powerful saying that resonates with me.

My life journey has taken many paths, planes, trains, cars and steps and as I continue to walk along each one of them - I am astounded at what I learn.

Often the hardest part is to find the right direction, but getting lost is not a fear that I carry with me.  The children always comment about my 'inbuilt GPS' when I am driving; but this instinct for knowing where I am going, is related to knowing where I came from.  If I get lost, I know where I was, so I can always turn around. 

I love my life - my journey.  Today I am running full-speed ahead. Walking happens, when I need to ponder the path to take, or have a rest and enjoy the destination - before I set off again.

Where will you walk today - do you have a direction in mind - does it matter?

Friday morning review



A night visitor

This little fellow (yes he is real - a green tree frog) came to enjoy the insects that were at my lighted window.  

Green Tree Frog

I enjoyed his company as I sat writing.

A week of writing - I have been part of a group called Motivational Magic for the week. Started by Michelle, it has been a week of 22 like-minded people sharing the magic of the universe, and hundreds of emails.

It has been mind-blowing to share thoughts, inspirations, fears and success with people from around the country and the world.

I have also been working on my writing.  Did some editing, wrote a couple of new poems, and as you all know wrote a few thousand words on book three and last night registered for NaNoWriMo 2011, updating my profile and details about my novel.

I also did a little gardening yesterday, kept up with the washing, cleaning and ironing and worked on my diet.  The good news is that I am managing to keep my calorie count under control and that my weight has started to drop - the interesting part is that for nearly 5 days - I have stabilised - no gain, but no loss. Oh well, I am sure I am in for a big loss soon.

Today it is off to my boxing/exercise class and then over to my neighbours for morning tea - will have to burn up the calories so that I can enjoy a treat.

I hope you all have a lovely day.

My Space & My View

 This is the view from my study window - outside is a full flowering Jasmine Creeper and Lavender, as well as a rose garden, which Ivan planted specially for me.

 And Now Here is the reason for this post . . .

I have my space - a new desk, chosen by me; for me; and will be decorated by me.  It was delivered just this morning and it is lovely.  I still have lots of things to sort out in the study, but I am going to create my space.  The space where I write my books, do my blog, photos and scrapbooking and have time for me.  So I thought I would share it with you all.

My new desk

Raven - a guiding light who looks over me as I write

My technology side, closest to the door, but away from the window

Fairies hanging above me, to bless this space and Sarah's sign which she painted for me - it reads "You find true bliss by doing what you love"

Now how could a day be any more perfect than this.

So next time you read a blog post from Vesta you will be able to imagine me sitting at my 'new' desk typing to you.

What to say when you have nothing to say

I have logged onto Vesta a couple of times this week and wondered what I should write about - and then logged off again. Why?  Well, because I didn't know what to say.

So here I am talking about 'nothing'.

Our family is suffering from a virus - not sure what - we are all washed out, tired and feeling run down.
I have been busy taking children to appointments for doctors, dentists and other appointments.
I have been scrolling through photos for the Ipswich photo competition which closes on Friday and have finally submitted all Sarah and my entrants - here is a photo of my final entrant - and yes these colours are real.

I hope that we make the finals at least in some of our entrants - that way we will be invited to the Award night on Wed 26th October - and get to see the winners announced. It will be great, especially for Sarah, who has really taken the time to use Mom's camera and learn a little about photography.

Other than that - the days are warming up and we are enjoying the beginning of summer.
Sarah is already enjoying the pool - floating more than swimming, but has been brave enough to get wet a few times.

Don't splash me!

So that is my catch-up for today.

Too Tired to Type

Excuse the alliteration (T...T...T...T) - couldn't resist :)

I am sorry I haven't been posting again, but I am really tired.  For the past 5 days, Elizabeth and I have been preparing for our HUGE GARAGE SALE.  We are going to go all out on Saturday and Sunday and try to get rid of 7 years (probably more) of accumulated (much loved) junk. 

We have toys (that the children have owned since birth) clothes that I have owned since then and books, games, puzzles, etc, etc, etc.  It is going to be massive; but of course it all needs sorting, pricing and getting ready for the 2 day push.

Whatever isn't sold is going to be donated to charity, so on Monday or Tuesday next week, I will have a far emptier house.  We are long overdue for a serious declutter.

I have also realised that I hate fashion.  In the 'good old days' one would buy new clothes when the old ones wore out - then some 'idiot' invented fashion.  Now each season we are convinced to trade in perfectly good clothes for new colours and styles, when the old ones were just as good.  So my new motto is - I am going to keep my comfortable, good clothes and if I buy something new, I am getting rid of something old - instead of keeping it because it is still good.

I will take some photos soon of all our stuff and send you all some pictures from the sale days, but in the meantime forgive me as I wade through our possessions.

Mountains, Valleys & Plains

Do you live in a valley or on a mountain, or maybe on a flat plain?

Well in Brisbane it is very hilly, small almost invisible hills, but no road is flat.  There are no open vistas and every road twists and turns.  If you visit our local landmark Mt. Cootha with its lookout, Brisbane and surrounding areas look flat with a river that winds it way to the sea, but drive into those suburbs and the hills surround you. 

Now you may be wondering why I am rambling about the scenery - well it is because I have been thinking about life. 

I have realised that life is like scenery:

Sometimes we live in the valleys, walls surround us and we have to dig deep to keep going.  The sun is blocked out by the mountains surrounding us, and every time we look up, we see small patches of sunlight and blue sky. We see the challenges ahead to climb out. Valleys are beautiful places, they are protected and safe, but sometimes, they can also seem very low.  Valleys can be the lowest place in life and can keep us trapped. The need to move on and out becomes overwhelming and yet so daunting that we stay stuck.

OR.......

Now, we can climb mountains - energy appears - a goal arrives and we strap on our gear and begin climbing.  Every step can be a challenge or a joy, but we keep moving upward and then we get to the top. The view is breathtaking!  Literally - breath-taking. We are tired from our climb so we rest. We look out and feel wonderful.  Everything is below us and we know we have arrived. For a while we sit and admire our achievements, indulge in the view and then what?

When we are on top of the mountain we have arrived, have succeeded, but as humans we need to move forward.  For most of us, being on top of the mountain is not enough - we look for the next mountain. Or we head back down into the next valley - the valley which is safe and protected. Alternatively, a wind comes along and knocks us off that mountain and we fall back into that valley or the next - the valley which we had climbed out of.

I guess the final place to live is on the plains - where the view extends forever.  In this place you can see far into the distance - the distance of the past and the distance of the future.  You know where you are, where you have been and where you are going.  This place sounds perfect - safe and peaceful. Yet, for so many, the plains are boring, no challenges, no growth and so we seek the mountains and the valleys. The plains are where most will live their lives.  They know their path and only seek variation along it.  It is a place of predictability and peace - a place where the known is wonderful.

I wonder where you live.  I know that I have lived in all three places in my life.  Mostly in the valleys and the mountains, sometimes on the plains. 

Which do I prefer?  I don't really know.  I love the open spaces of the plains - knowing where I have been and where I am going.  Valleys are low places for me; places of sadness and tiredness, but I do like to look up occasionally and know that there is something worth climbing out of.  And of course there is then the mountain - the place that I stand on occasionally & shout to the world -

SEE ME, HERE I AM!

and the world echoes back - we see you, and you are amazing.

Where are you living your life?  Which is your favourite place? 

I hope it is a combination of all three, or maybe a favourite place that satisfies all within your soul. So think about it today; do you choose the Mountain, the Valley or the Plains?

Nothing is wrong?

Why when everything is going right does everything sometimes feel wrong?

For the last couple of days I have felt lost and frustrated.  I haven't been able to shake the feeling of the blues - tired, listless and just plain old down :(

I think it is the result of stopping - if I keep busy and achieving all seems good, but when you finish a major task like the renovations and then stop, it all seems too hard to begin again.

Winter in Qld is just the most beautiful time of the year, but it is still winter. Our bodies slow down along with nature and the mornings are cooler making it harder to get up.  So I am sluggish and tired.

So as I woke up today, I snuggled under the covers and decided that 'Nothing is Wrong' and I am okay! And most importantly - I am allowed to feel a little slow, a little blue and a little down - Nothing is wrong, but not much feels right.

So for now, I am nurturing Me - I am going to slow down like nature and take it easy, then wake up like the Spring and burst forth again.

A little crazy musings, a little indulgent post - but Nothing is Wrong!

A Quiet Blog - A Busy Week

The last couple of weeks seem to have flown by so fast.  I haven't had time to take photos, let alone even think about posting anything on Vesta.

Over the weekend, we decided to have a Turkey dinner and celebrate Christmas in July. The food was yummy, and I was so distracted that I didn't even think to take any pictures - sorry :(  Afterwards we were all spoilt as Mum had decided that we couldn't have Christmas in July without a small gift each. She had bought us all a little something funny and nice. I did get the camera out for these, so I will try and post them soon.

And now a big apology - I have realised (after a prompt from my lovely brother) that I have not posted (or taken) photos of the finished renovated bedrooms.  I guess with the rush to finish and then my surgery I just haven't even thought about it.  So this week, I will borrow Mum's camera with its wonderful wide-angle lens and take a few photos.  Again, I will get them up as soon as possible.

Thanks for everyones patience - will hopefully be back blogging regularly soon.

Hugs
Beverly

A Mixed Bag of News

First of all - hello to you all!  It has been a few days since my last post. 

Recovery from my surgery is going really well - have my stitches out and a clean bill of health. Fatty food doesn't taste as good, so an improvement in my diet is under way. A good move for sure as my surgeon advised that without a gallbladder there is a tendancy to get fat! Yikes! I don't need that thank you.  It is good though, as I enjoying the lower fat foods already.  My scars are healing, and the bruises fading. Unfortunately, one has 'keloided' - a problem I have suffered in the past - a curse of such a fair skin.

Another medical update is that Dad had his hand surgery (pins in three joints on his right hand) on Friday and all went well.

 Yesterday he was feeling well enough to enjoy some sunshine, sitting outside reading a book.  We took Cleo down for a visit on her new harness.  Now this may seem really strange, but we are teaching her to exercise outside and walk on a harness.

 At first she lay flat on the ground, but soon started exploring.

 The reason for the harness and keeping her as an inside cat, is that Australian wildlife is extremely vulnerable to cats (and dogs). We have managed to train both of our dogs not to chase birds, but with a cat it is an instinct that you cannot change. We have an amazing array of birdlife in our garden which we feed, as well as lizards. So this will be the only way we can allow her some freedom. 

 The same morning we had over 14 Sulphur Crested Cockatoo's at the feeder as well as short-billed Corellas. So it would be shame to allow her to chase them away, or worse kill any. Not that she would stand a chance again these birds :)

Now for the best photo of all:  My Mum has always disliked Cats - and we wondered how she would take to Cleo, well this photo says it all.  She totally loves this beautiful, little kitten and holds her as often as she can.  So Granny had a cuddle with a very happy Cleo, who enjoyed the cuddle.

A good way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Quiet Time

Life is moving too fast and is too full of things that need doing. 

Next week I am heading to surgery to have my Gall Bladder removed; as such I am attempting to achieve the impossible - doing all the things that I haven't done for the two months of renovations.

I need some Quiet Time - I was hoping by today to be finished; BUT I still have about 5 things that need to happen. When am I going to find some Quiet Time???

So, as I rush to the shower, head off to the Optometrist, rush home to the Electrician, phone the Tyre Shop, go to my pre-op appointment, see the podiatrist, take the car for new tyres, etc. etc.

I am going to try and schedule some Quiet Time.

Oh well - next week, as I drift into the beautiful twilight of drug-induced sleep for my surgery; I am planning some Quiet Time. Even if it is finally enforced by need.

Breakdown is the beginning of Breakthrough (Matthew Ferry)

Tonight I ran out of energy and the smallest thing that normally I would blow-up about caused me to breakdown.

I have the most amazing children, they help me so much.  When I think that at age 21, 17 and 13 they treat the world with respect, are polite, funny and gentle kind people - I swell with joy & pride.  BUT, like all kids, they sometimes just don't manage to do what they are asked - well at least not as well as Mum would like.

Tonight it was Matthew's turn - I had asked him to clean the pool - he had done it, but not really well enough and as I stood re-doing his chore, I ran out of energy.  I was angry, tired and had no idea where to turn.  I kept my cool however, finished the chore and then went inside to make my bed (had washed my sheets today).  I went to the linen cupboard to find fresh sheets and because, I have been working so hard, I hadn't got around to sorting it out and tidying it up.  I tried to find a set, and ended up losing it and pulling out every single sheet, towel, table-cloth in the cupboard and boy oh boy - I have a lot of linen.

I began to cry and cry and cry and cry.  I refused to talk to Matthew, to Sarah, to Elizabeth and eventually Sarah fetched my Mum.  Sometimes, that is all a girl needs  - a hug from her Mum.

So back to the title of my post - "Breakdown is the beginning of Breakthrough" 

I have been listening to Matthew Ferry and 'Ridiculous Bliss' and he is inspiring.  Tonight I experienced the breakdown and a few hours later I have the breakthrough. I needed to cry, to explode and let go all the tiredness and frustration; so that I can go on.

This has been a long post, and if you have reached this point you will know that I am fine.  I have had my tears, made friends with my beautiful son, taken my daughters to the supermarket to buy some yummy comfort food (chocolates and ice-cream) and am about to head to bed.

I wish you all the joy and the success of finding your break-through from any breakdown that you experience.

Hugs
Beverly

Day Out

Yesterday morning I left the house - just left it all for the day.

I needed to get away from everything.  My head kept telling me that I had so much to do and as Dad was away at the Working with Wood show - I should use the time to do all the household chores that I had been neglecting.

Instead I went out for the day.

I bought the undercoat for the walls and then went shopping with Elizbeth and finally sat in the car for an hour reading, while she attended her lecture. Bliss.

I found myself stressed last night at what I had not achieved, but after loading 'Dances with Wolves' and 'Out of Africa' soundtracks onto my Ipod - and falling asleep dreaming of the African and American plains, I have woken invigorated and refreshed today.

So listening to my soul yesterday, really worked; and today my mind can get back into gear.

Something different again

I am not sleeping - surprise, surprise!

I am one of the luckiest people in the world in that I 'normally' sleep very well.  I fall asleep in the middle of conversations and in TV advert breaks and then rest happily for between 8-10 hours a night. It is bliss.

However, the first night that Ivan is away on a trip I normally don't sleep too well, but it settles down; this time however, I am still not sleeping.

I am thinking, planning, thinking, renovating, thinking, and aching - oh yes, don't forget the aching.  My feet are sore and I have discovered new muscles that I didn't know existed.

Last night I gave up on attempting to sleep and scrapbooked for a few hours. I love digital scrapbooking. I could sit in bed, have my laptop and listen to Josh Groban. I achieved about 30 pages of our LA trip - felt good to remember relaxing.

Today I am off to buy some paint and take Elizabeth to university - but at the moment I am indulging in a few minutes in bed, watching the news and writing this Blog.

Aah life is great in the 21st Century.

I'm Back

It was the computer, not the operator that went on a 'go-slow'.  Matthew downloaded a huge file and exceeded our monthly quota - so my internet went on a 'go-slow'.  It was so frustrating that I just switched it off.  Anyway, it re-set last night, so am back in the world of blogging etc.

It is so interesting, when you sit in front of a screen waiting for something that had been instantaneous and now you have to wait moments for; our world sits at our fingertips now and waiting is now impossible. When I think of how slow life used to be, and how we now take it for granted that we can acccess anything at the tap of a keyboard  - I am blown away.

I love living today.  I love my computer. I love the internet. I love technology.

Priorities and happiness

I am reading an excellent book called 'How we choose to be happy' by Rick Foster & Greg Hicks. It is all about intention and the 8 secrets of happy people. I have realised that one of the reasons I am a happy person is that I have chosen to be happy.

Now along with this, I also have a strong drive to choose my path in life. For the past 2 years I have chosen to attend university - it has brought me satisfaction, pride and fulfillment. From the beginning of this year, it did not bring me happiness. I have been conflicted all year.

The reason: it is conflicting with my priorities in life:

The one thing that makes me happy and has always been my top priority is my family. I have wanted to be a Wife and a Mum for as long as I can remember - it is who I am.

As I have progressed along the path of student, this has been in conflict, especially with the issues that my children have faced over the past 2 years. So I have made a decision:

I am putting my studies on hold. The knot that has sat in my tummy for months now, dissipated - I felt at peace and I smiled. I am going to miss it, I am still grieving for the attention and accolades that I get for being a good student, but . . .

all of these things are external and 'happiness' is internal.

So, I am back to being a full-time Mum, a wife and a housewife.

Sarah is going to home-school full-time with me for this year. I will teach and nurture her and get her back on the path of confidence and success. My home will be a place of pride again and I will be able to have the time to enjoy my marriage, my hobbies and my life . . . and yes my writing (in all its forms).

I am blessed that I can make these choices, but most of all I am blessed that I know what makes me HAPPY.

Tuesday morning

Energy - what is it and where does it come from and more importantly where does it go to?

I never seem to have enough of it and yet when I look at what I achieve in a day - I realise that I have a big bucket hidden inside my 'little body.'

I think that energy is 80% determination - determination to achieve something and not giving yourself a choice but to do it.

My Dad found a book that he gave me, it is for 'Busy Women' - Elizabeth is reading it at the moment, but she found something in it that she shared. For perfectionists - achieving 80% in a day is acceptable. It has helped me so much in my perception of my day. I used to always think that I had not achieved my goals for a day, now I am able to set a high target and then when I tick off 80% I realise that this is an "A" and is quite acceptable.

So 'energy' what is it?  For me it is just getting as much as I can done and then doing that little bit more. At times I choose to just shut down & recharge - a 20 minute 'Nana Nap' midday is always a good choice, but otherwise it is just to keep going.

It took me 35 years

California Screamin

Adrenalin Junkies

Big Thunder Railroad



Doing the loop

 At age 35 I finally conquered my fear of rollercoasters - I rode the tiny (children's rollercoaster) at Movieworld on the Gold Coast and screamed the whole way around. The children were so embarrassed! Since then I have ventured more boldly along the line to bigger and more scary rides.

Each & every time I have to fight my fear and right up until I get off it am terrified. Yet, I have learnt the most valuable lesson, life is to be lived! Rollercoasters are not for everyone - I know that, but for me they release all my fears, feed my soul and set me free.

I still scream on everyone, but now I step out boldly and enjoy the ride.

My favourite ride of all wasn't Space Mountain, which was fast and wild; California Screamin which was mind-blowing and disorientating, but Big Thunder Mountain Railroad - it was the smoothest rollercoaster I have ever been on. In fact I loved it so much that in the end I wasn't even screaming. I was just experiencing the exhiliration. I had my hands in the air and felt alive.

More photos to follow, even some scary rollercoaster pics.