Tonight I ran out of energy and the smallest thing that normally I would blow-up about caused me to breakdown.
I have the most amazing children, they help me so much. When I think that at age 21, 17 and 13 they treat the world with respect, are polite, funny and gentle kind people - I swell with joy & pride. BUT, like all kids, they sometimes just don't manage to do what they are asked - well at least not as well as Mum would like.
Tonight it was Matthew's turn - I had asked him to clean the pool - he had done it, but not really well enough and as I stood re-doing his chore, I ran out of energy. I was angry, tired and had no idea where to turn. I kept my cool however, finished the chore and then went inside to make my bed (had washed my sheets today). I went to the linen cupboard to find fresh sheets and because, I have been working so hard, I hadn't got around to sorting it out and tidying it up. I tried to find a set, and ended up losing it and pulling out every single sheet, towel, table-cloth in the cupboard and boy oh boy - I have a lot of linen.
I began to cry and cry and cry and cry. I refused to talk to Matthew, to Sarah, to Elizabeth and eventually Sarah fetched my Mum. Sometimes, that is all a girl needs - a hug from her Mum.
So back to the title of my post - "Breakdown is the beginning of Breakthrough"
I have been listening to Matthew Ferry and 'Ridiculous Bliss' and he is inspiring. Tonight I experienced the breakdown and a few hours later I have the breakthrough. I needed to cry, to explode and let go all the tiredness and frustration; so that I can go on.
This has been a long post, and if you have reached this point you will know that I am fine. I have had my tears, made friends with my beautiful son, taken my daughters to the supermarket to buy some yummy comfort food (chocolates and ice-cream) and am about to head to bed.
I wish you all the joy and the success of finding your break-through from any breakdown that you experience.