Tonight I ran out of energy and the smallest thing that normally I would blow-up about caused me to breakdown.
I have the most amazing children, they help me so much. When I think that at age 21, 17 and 13 they treat the world with respect, are polite, funny and gentle kind people - I swell with joy & pride. BUT, like all kids, they sometimes just don't manage to do what they are asked - well at least not as well as Mum would like.
Tonight it was Matthew's turn - I had asked him to clean the pool - he had done it, but not really well enough and as I stood re-doing his chore, I ran out of energy. I was angry, tired and had no idea where to turn. I kept my cool however, finished the chore and then went inside to make my bed (had washed my sheets today). I went to the linen cupboard to find fresh sheets and because, I have been working so hard, I hadn't got around to sorting it out and tidying it up. I tried to find a set, and ended up losing it and pulling out every single sheet, towel, table-cloth in the cupboard and boy oh boy - I have a lot of linen.
I began to cry and cry and cry and cry. I refused to talk to Matthew, to Sarah, to Elizabeth and eventually Sarah fetched my Mum. Sometimes, that is all a girl needs - a hug from her Mum.
So back to the title of my post - "Breakdown is the beginning of Breakthrough"
I have been listening to Matthew Ferry and 'Ridiculous Bliss' and he is inspiring. Tonight I experienced the breakdown and a few hours later I have the breakthrough. I needed to cry, to explode and let go all the tiredness and frustration; so that I can go on.
This has been a long post, and if you have reached this point you will know that I am fine. I have had my tears, made friends with my beautiful son, taken my daughters to the supermarket to buy some yummy comfort food (chocolates and ice-cream) and am about to head to bed.
I wish you all the joy and the success of finding your break-through from any breakdown that you experience.
Hugs
Beverly
3 comments:
Well we were expecting this to happen sooner rather than later. You have pushed and pushed yourself to oblivion, determined to get things done, you often say that Dad drags everyone along on his mission to complete things, well here we are, like father like daughter. It was my pleasure to give you the "Mum" hug, I will always try and be there for you, you now need to try and take a few minutes to look at what you have achieved, try and restock your energy levels (yes with chocolate if that is what will do it), your hubby comes home tomorrow, thankfully not tonight as he would have wondered what on earth has happened to his calm, adorable wife. Hang in there sweetheart, all will be revealed soon and you will look back on this experience and have a little giggle. Yes you do have far too many sheets, pillowcases, towels etc etc etc etc, but like all of us, we might just need them one of these days. Dad says keep a few sheets to cover up his machinery when he is not using it. I think by that he means hopefully when he is not using them. Sleep tight
Thanks Mom, I love you and Dad
Beverly that's good that you let it all out. I'm sure it freaked out the kids a tad but they got to see you being a human being not a human doing. I do the same thing, well not with the linen closet, but I do and do and do until one day usually out of nowhere it all comes out in the form of a good cry. I haven't done that in quite some time now so look out world and who knows maybe even the linen closet! ;-) I'm happy to hear that you got it all sorted and I'm happy hear that you didn't keep all of that frustration bottled up, that's not good for the blood pressure.
I hope you have a wonderful day, take care and keep on being human, it's good for us to do that every now and again!
... and thank God for Mothers, I wish mine was still with me in her human form but I can still feel her energies or a part of her when I need her here by my side.
Post a Comment