Sunday, November 23, 2008

An Affair of the Heart

During the last few months I have experienced a huge awakening of consciousness, I have realised that I have only one life to live and I am the person that has to live it. Along with this 'rather serious' awakening, I have come to realise that I do not often express the needs and desires that I have, as then I may be disappointed. Now that was a really sad realisation!

I have a wonderful life, I have an amazing husband who I have loved for over 20 years, 3 beautiful, loving and talented children. I live in our gorgeous home in Australia - a pretty good place on Earth to live and I have my health, more than sufficient wealth (of course I would love to win the lottery - who wouldn't?) and family that I love and who love me.

One of the things that I have realised is that life had become a chore! I had to get up clean house, iron, take care of children, manage finances, etc. etc..... I had lost the fun of living. So I decided to change.

My brother sent me a wonderful email a few months back about achieving 'your desires', it was inspirational, but of course the secret what "What did you want to achieve?" I did not know. I suddenly saw myself as a 'nearly 45 year old' and dreaded the thought of the next 20 years of doing exactly what I was doing every single day.

So I decided to change! I decided first of all, again following an email, this time from my friend Michelle, that I was going to set a goal of 101 things to do before I die! I must admit I am only up to around 11 items at the moment, but this is sort of the exciting thing, as I can keep adding to my list. The first and most important item I decided was that I am going to live until 101 at least. Just giving myself permission to live that long was exciting! Now I have almost 2 lifetimes ahead of me and I had no idea what I was going to do!

As you all know by now, I registered to attend University next year. I began really working on my poetry, I am writing, scrapbooking, creating cards, spreading the joy of life through 'Simply Angels - Pay it forward' and really feeding my creative side. I am living.

Now for the focus of this blog: I decided that I needed to have "An Affair!" I remember so clearly the wonderful, amazing feeling of being in that first flush of love with my husband and I miss that. Yes, I still love him with all my heart and even on a far deeper level than before, but we have lost the "Affair" part of being in love. So I told him that I was going to go out and have an affair to capture that magic again. The best part was that I had found someone to have the affair with - yes of course silly people - it is him!

I decided that we need to date, we need to see each other as strangers who we need to pay attention to and to get to know. Just by having an affair of the heart, we can recapture the magic and special attention that 20 years of marriage can dull. I looked at my wonderful man and saw the person I fell in love with and realised that it was worth just that extra special attention.

So I am going to wear make-up, dress up pretty, go out to lunch, catch a movie. Have a special picnic and find all the time in the world for my new 'love affair'. I managed to do it 20 years ago and now I have all this life experience to give, I think I can do it again.

Can you?

2 comments:

Mom said...

Of course you can do it, you know why ? Well underneath the exterior is the real you. We all sometimes go through this phase where we feel we don't need to dress up, make special dinners, have time away with our soul mate. After all we have the love of our life right there, so why go to the trouble as it is hard work. Then we wake up with a bang and something says to us, hey where has that wonderful, bubbly, beautiful, imaginative person gone ? So go for it, at the end of the day when the children have left home, there is not much to do around the house as it is too quiet and tidy, who do we have left to be there for us and with us. Yes that's right our soul mate. My life since you and Ian left home and found your own niche would have been a very lonely place without your Dad. Go for it love !!

Michelle said...

I can feel the Magic, Bev! Ivan is a Lucky Man. Woo Hoo!