Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Is is better to let go or to hold on tight?

I do not know the answer to the above question.

Today I had to make one of the hardest decisions in my life and now almost 8 hours later, I still don't know that I made the right decision. Sarah has school camp this week and unlike most of her peers - Sarah hates school camp. Her normally high 'separation anxiety' kicks into hyper-drive and her stress levels reach extreme proportions.

Today I made her go to camp!

My head (and society) tells me it is better to let go, to prepare her for life, to teach her to stand on her own feet and deal with the discomfit of being away from home and the experiences will make her strong.

My heart and my soul tell me that my head and society is WRONG! I feel so strongly that I should rather be protecting my child. She needs to grow up, but in providing her with the basis of protection, love and strength of family, she will one day have a foundation on which to leave - when she is ready.

Sarah cried as I pried her out of my arms. She sat in the front seat of a bus, alone and forlorn, her friends walked past her to sit at the back and she sat alone. Her face and her eyes pleaded with me to 'save' her and I let her go. I held strong to the dictates of society and my heart bled.

I cried, I cried when her principal asked me how she was? I cried and said that I didn't want her to go, but I still sent her on her way. Even now I am crying, I want to drive the 2.5 hours up the coast and fetch her. Maybe, she is fine and it is just me who is suffering? I do not know, all I know is that more than anything I wanted to hold on tight and I didn't.

Is it better to let her go or to hold on tight? Maybe someone knows, but I don't!

4 comments:

Michelle said...

Sarah being away, even if only for a few hours, means you have a break ... crying is cathartic. You can go and collect her, if and when you feel you need to. I am holding you both in my heart.

Jenny Adams said...

Sending happy thoughts to you and Sarah... I can feel your angst from here! Remember there are no rules - just do what's right for your family and yes you can change your mind any time!
jenny
x

darlin said...

That's a tough one but what I would do is leave Sarah there unless the phone rings and you are asked to come and pick her up. This could be a wonderful experience for her... but it might not be. Where's the "How to Raise Children" manual when you really need it?

I hope all goes well for both of you.

Beverly said...

Thank you to you all for your lovely comments and support.
We are blessed with an amazing school. The principal sent me an email to let me know that Sarah is doing well - all smiles at breakfast.