My diagnosis in October last year led to a frenzy of living and I have loved every moment of it. In between my treatments I have been determined to live the most active, normal life that I can and have succeeded.
Frustratingly, the week of each treatment has been getting more and more difficult - with the last treatment leaving in bed for six days. I mostly sleep, watch a little TV, sleep, read - a little, sleep and sleep.
After a very emotional week last week, my levels of fatigue and emotional exhaustion hit a low as I arrived at the Infusion clinic yesterday. My lovely nurse Lauren, was not happy with the fact that I was so tired each session and contacted my oncologist - he told me to go home and have a rest week. I was so grateful and then so guilty - for failing, for being such a baby, for not just sucking it up.
If my blood tests had come back low or there had been a reason for the delay it would have been okay - but I immediately judged myself and began the internal yelling. Then I caught myself - it was okay not to be strong, to need just a little rest time, to take a week off and then come back prepared to complete the treatment. It was okay to need help.
So after a few tears and a couple of hugs from my great team - Elizabeth and I left the hospital and headed off to a movie instead. Now that was a great way to spend the morning. This week is a week of rest - I am going to watch TV, do some reading, maybe even some writing and just have a good week.
Here is a photo of my team of Angels - my oncology nurses Nicole and Lauren - thank you to them both for their care their love and their support.
|Nicole, Me, Lauren at St Andrew's Hospital - Infusion Centre|