|My new haircut - very short!|
I have been out of the loop for a few weeks now - well more like a few months.
Why? Because I suffer from depression!
Most of the time, I manage and deal with it really well, but for the moment I have not been doing so well. So I have been silent - not wanting to burden the world with my issues, my sadness and my problems.
However, the 'happy' Me is not the only side of anyone and so along with the good news, the joyful news and the happy news - I guess it is time to be honest and share the 'black fog' that engulfs people like me who suffer from depression.
It is such a hidden illness, because everyone feels 'down' at times; everyone feels sad and feels like they cannot cope. But . . . depression is something different - it is an all pervading grey that invades every aspect of life. Living with thoughts of non-existence - not a desire to die, but a wish that you had never been born and don't want to be part of this life anymore.
I am lucky in that I have the most understanding and amazing husband who loves and supports me and my beautiful family who gives me a reason to be here.
I am on my medication now and each day is a little better. I wake up and I do the things I need to do; I rest and sleep as much as I can and I try to find small pleasures in life. At times I find myself smiling and laughing and I reach out to grab hold tight of these moments, but like gossamer they slip away in the fog.
For anyone out there who suffers from any mental illness; know you are not alone. Seek help. The world does care. Those who love you and know you will help, and even strangers will be sympathetic if you let them. If someone asks you how you are - be honest - don't burden them with your woes; but don't lie - tell them you are not so good.
So today I wake up and look out at the day and say 'Thank you God for my life - teach me the lesson I need to learn, so that I can pass once more into the Joy and Love that you send out into the world.'