Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Good morning World

My new haircut - very short!
Hi everyone,

I have been out of the loop for a few weeks now - well more like a few months.

Why? Because I suffer from depression!

Most of the time, I manage and deal with it really well, but for the moment I have not been doing so well. So I have been silent - not wanting to burden the world with my issues, my sadness and my problems.

However, the 'happy' Me is not the only side of anyone and so along with the good news, the joyful news and the happy news - I guess it is time to be honest and share the 'black fog' that engulfs people like me who suffer from depression.

It is such a hidden illness, because everyone feels 'down' at times; everyone feels sad and feels like they cannot cope.  But . . . depression is something different - it is an all pervading grey that invades every aspect of life.  Living with thoughts of non-existence - not a desire to die, but a wish that you had never been born and don't want to be part of this life anymore.

I am lucky in that I have the most understanding and amazing husband who loves and supports me and my beautiful family who gives me a reason to be here.

I am on my medication now and each day is a little better. I wake up and I do the things I need to do; I rest and sleep as much as I can and I try to find small pleasures in life. At times I find myself smiling and laughing and I reach out to grab hold tight of these moments, but like gossamer they slip away in the fog.

For anyone out there who suffers from any mental illness; know you are not alone.  Seek help.  The world does care. Those who love you and know you will help, and even strangers will be sympathetic if you let them.  If someone asks you how you are - be honest - don't burden them with your woes; but don't lie - tell them you are not so good.

So today I wake up and look out at the day and say 'Thank you God for my life - teach me the lesson I need to learn, so that I can pass once more into the Joy and Love that you send out into the world.'


Mom said...

Firstly your hair in this photo is outstanding, I just love it. Yes we all have these hidden feelings that we are scared to share with the world, and we pretend everying is fantastic. I have as you and the family and friends have known had depression for about 35 years, initially you try to get on with life and for a while all seems well, then bang for no reason at all you are back in the depths of despair. I was lucky in that a Dr once said to me that I had to take a tablet every day of my life for depression, I was so against it, his comments were "well if you needed a tablet everyday for your heart, would you take it"? of course the answer is yes. My motto now in life is that if one tablet makes me a happy and cheerful person then it is worth it. Hang in there my darling we are all sharing your pain, never forget that we love you and if you even need a chat or a bit of a cry, well we are only 52 steps away. You have had a lot to cope with for the past 2 years or so, and it has taken its toll on you. Thank you for sharing your story with everyone, am sure there will be many that say "what Beverly!!!!" then there will be others that will say you are so brave.

Beverly said...

Thanks Mom, I love you and your and Dad's support helps the day seem brighter.

darlin said...

Beverly it takes courage to step and say what you have, hats off to you for doing so. It's like with alcoholism, why do we have to keep our illnesses hidden? Like they're our dirty secrets? I think the only way to begin to heal from anything is to talk about it, not be ashamed and as you said, no need to go in to a life story when someone asks, but be honest if you're having a bad day. I do that way more now than I ever have. Sometimes when I'm having an off day and someone asks me how I'm doing, I'll respond with "How much time do you have?" That's usually good for a chuckle and I feel much better that I actually said something, without really saying anything... if that makes any sense.

This too shall pass, soon I hope for you. Take care.

P.S. I LOVE the haircut, it looks fantastic!

Beverly said...

Thank you Darlene, for your support - it is such a difficult illness to deal with as it is hidden. And you are right - this too shall pass and the sun will come out again.
Wishing you a wonderful practicum - be safe and have fun.

Mark Tullett said...

Beverly, Thank you for sharing something that is so difficult, yet so much a part of you.
I just wanted to let you know that you have inspired me, without which I wouldn't be where I am now- attached to the keyboard writing and dreaming as I create. Thank you for being in my life (even if at a bit of a distance).