Loss and how it affects us all, is something very much on my mind at the moment.
I have 'lost' my wedding ring :( I am totally devastated about this. In fact I have fallen into a state of despair similar to the loss I experienced at my first miscarriage. I know this sounds so dramatic for a small, little ring of gold metal, but I feel as though a significant part of me is missing; and like the loss of my first baby - I keep thinking of all the things that I could have and should have done.
These feelings are exacerbated by the thoughts that it is not lost, but just misplaced and if I look hard enough I will find it. I first noticed it missing on Wednesday as I was about to leave for University and delayed my departure by 30 minutes to search. My search continued on Wed night for hours, it kept me awake all Wed night and took up all my thoughts yesterday.
My wedding ring is one of, if not the most precious possession I own. I realise that it is not my husband, it is not our love, but it is my ring. Next week we will celebrate 22 years of marriage and for the first time - I will not have my ring on my finger. I do not know how to deal with this overwhelming sense of loss.
So as I spend the weekend, having 'another' look for my ring - I will face the fact that I may have lost something very special to me. Isn't it strange to think that the loss, of the ring that I have worn everyday for 22 years, that I have almost taken for granted as it is such a part of me, would affect me so. But it has.