Posted with permission and admiration

It is with great pride and honour that I offer the following post for you all to read. My amazing daughter Elizabeth has written an inspirational peace of writing. I hope you are inspired and I hope more than anything that she can see how wonderful she is.

Possessed

Peace Pilgrim wrote:

"Anything you cannot relinquish when it has outlived its usefulness possesses you, and in this materialistic age a great many of us are possessed by our possessions." - Peace Pilgrim

This cannot be truer than said of me. After a fit of despair I decided to embark on one of those cleaning sprees. You know the ones where if your room is perfectly tidy and the shelves free of dust, that somehow all of that anguish and failure will disappear. I suppose it's like writers who buy a new desk and laptop in an attempt to reconnect with their muse. Regardless of whether this works or not my feelings are; you may still feel crap but at least you'll have a tidy room.

So I decided to rid myself of my old childhood trinkets. My room is full of them, ones too valuable to give away because my best friend gave me that on my 12th birthday; never mind I haven't spoken to her in 10 odd years. I decided to rid myself of the old baggage that was weighing me down; to approach my new life uncluttered and free of burdens. In this positive attitude I found a box and some bubble wrap to transfer my items. At first it was easy, a dolphin here, a horse there, a couple of candles; but the closer I got to the things that really mattered the slower I went. I started to feel sick, lead in my stomach, feet dragging the whole lot. I kept thinking who I was letting down. That somehow if I packed away that 12th birthday dolphin, that my best friend would feel the rejection - a State away. Things got so bad that I ended up hands shaking holding a soft toy feeling guilty about the fact I hadn't played with him, and how he (the soft toy) must feel so lonely! At this point in my life (and it's one of the few) I came to realise that I was completely and utterly insane.

I was so possessed by these possessions that I had come to attribute rejection and a sense of failure onto each object. Each item wasn't a thing, but a place, a person a judge condemning me for wanting to move on without carrying them on my back. I had come to believe that if I rid myself of these things that the empty shelves would somehow define my life as nothing. That without all these physical manifestations my life so far would not have existed.

While these revelations are useful in themselves, the practicalities of my situation became painfully evident. If I were indeed to unpack the items and replace them on the shelves, I have not doubt that the sickness and rejection would disappear. My 12 year old friend would not feel abandoned and my cuddly toy would feel loved after a hug. This however, is obviously counterproductive. I would not have achieved anything and would still be facing my bright future burdened down by the past.

If on the other hand I were to keep on packing, I would have to deal with those accusing shelves and rejected person. A brief digression: Here is where self-help meditations really bug me. While I am sure that closing my eyes and imagining a rainbow over a tropical beach will result in calm; I am still faced with all of these issues when I once again open my eyes. So what to do? And here is what all good fence sitting perfectionists do - I did both and neither.

I continued to pack away all of my trinkets. My 12 year old dolphin was the first to go along with a fond thought and memory about my friend. My cuddly toy went to my sister for hugs and the love he deserved, and so on. By the end of it, I had shed a few more tears and relived a few memories. I chose one of the special items and placed it on my desk. The rest of them went in the box under the bed.

I know that it would seem that revelation has conquered and I have emerged triumphant against my insanity, but truth be told the possessions are still under the bed. They still in part possess me, as I am unable to give them away. I would like to say that I have 'slayed the dragon' but for now banishing him to a far-off land, out of sight and mind is the best I can do; perhaps one day.

But for now my goal is to fill the shelves of my life with items, not possessions.

Elizabeth Adair