Fear of Failure!

It feels like a life-time ago that I filled in my application to return to University. At first I was not even sure I would be accepted and then my fears were that I would not be able to keep up with the work. I also feared that I would not fit in and here I am with only 4 weeks of lectures left in my first year. Where did the time go?

It is funny, I did get accepted, I have flourished and succeeded with good results and I do fit in (sort of), all my insecurities however, still exist. I worry about being older and standing out, making a fool of myself and not succeeding (even though my results say otherwise). Yet each week rolls by and I don't fail, I thrive. I love the learning, the joining in at tutorials and lectures and just being at university. There is still however, that little insecure child inside that keeps rearing her head and telling me otherwise.

Last week I received another little piece of reassurance to tell that little girl to quiet down.

I spoke to a lovely young lady at my local phone shop and she asked if I went to Uni, when I said yes, she said "I thought I recognised your voice, you are from my poetry lecture." I realised I must be making a positive noise/contribution. We had a good laugh and a connection, it was lovely.

Ivan then said how much he loved to stand outside my tutorial class on Monday nights and listen to my laughter and contributions as he waited to bring me home. I had not realised that he did this, and it gave me such a warm glow to hear that I wasn't making a fool of myself.

How often do we live with the fear that we will fail, so we don't even try? How often do we allow the little child inside to rule and tell us we can't do something, or that someone will laugh at us - so we don't even try.

I am glad I tried. I am glad that I am succeeding. I am determined everyday to keep trying and to tell 'my little child inside' that she is safe and I can look after her and Me.