What is it to see yourself as a failure?
I am not sure if anyone has a real answer to this question, for it is out of failures that huge leaps of success are sometimes born. Yet, we are taught from a very young age to fear failure. Schools test and mark us on everything that we do, even our attendance is marked off daily and not appearing is seen as a failure. Failure on behalf of our parents who do not get us to school, failure on behalf of ourselves that we would rather be somewhere else; failure to appreciate the opportunities we are given.
Failure is a very big word and carries with it, massive amounts of guilt.
I have feared failing my whole life. If I gave up on something then I was a failure. If I didn't not achieve that 100% - I was a failure. If I was not the very best person that I could be - I was a failure. If I asked for help - I was a failure.
I have realised that failing is not something to fear. Failing can just be a choice, or maybe it is because I do not have the skills required, but most importantly failing at something usually results because I do not want to do/achieve/finish something. I wonder why I ever thought that I had to do/achieve/finish these things in my life.
It has taken me over 45 years to realise that I cannot fail (Yes, I guess I can in reality); but the sense of guilt of failure is so much less when I look at it rather as a choice issue. I fail because I chose a different path, I fail because I chose not to be interested or to try to conform to what is required from an outside source. I do not however fail ME! I only fail the task - it is not personal.
All of the above post has resulted from a recent choice that I have made.
I have chosen to drop my online religion course for this semester. When I first started thinking about this, I feared being seen as a failure by my family, friends and strangers; even the lecturer who doesn't know me or even care. It took me a couple of days, some discussion with Elizabeth and Ivan and then I made a choice. I was not enjoying the course, I did not need to be doing it and I could chose to drop it. The sense of relief and peace was immense. I had not let anyone down, especially myself. Instead I had chosen to follow my dreams. I had tasted something and decided that I did not like it. I could chosen to stop, chosen to walk away and I was not a failure.
What path are you walking today? Are you failing or are you choosing?
My personal thoughts & dreams to inspire family & friends
5 comments:
Oh wow, that sure makes us think, well done on putting all those thoughts onto paper, that is a skill that you most certainly have, and in our eyes you and your brother have never been or ever will be a failure.
I guess it depends on your understanding of the term 'failure' ... I see it very much as just a choice, like you described. Good choices have great outcomes and so do Bad Choices! We often learn MORE from making a so-called Bad choice, or from 'failing' than we do when life is easy.
Fabulous thought and post, Beverly!
Thanks Mom for your support and love.
Michelle, I think this is why you succeed in life, because you see life as choices, not failures.
Thank you for sharing this Beverly! I too was trapped in a self imposed world of failure for many years. Not anymore thanks to some immense work on myself and almost dying from alcoholism. Four years ago I was laying in palliative care with multiple ailments (kidney failure, congestive heart failure, liver failure, bleeding gastrointestinal tract, jaundice, and a few other medical ailments). Today I know the true meaning of failure (literally and figuratively), failure is when I do not even attempt to do what it is my heart wants to do, today I push through the fears and just do it anyways.
Good for you to recognize that you most certainly are not a failure, you are a winner when you do what it is that your heart leads you to do. I have had to redefine words in my head to make them fit into my world, failure and success are two of these words.
Life is too short in my opinion to not allow our hearts to dance! You go girl and do what it is in life that makes you happy, peaceful and content and never forget to laugh, it is after all the best medicine and I am living proof of that! :-)
I was rethinking sending you this comment but what the heck, you have shared something which is very personal and I got excited reading it and feel that I must respond to this blog! Thank you once again!
Darlene,
You have been an inspiration to me, getting to know you and figuring out a little of your story. Your courage and spirit shines through and I think you should be shouting from the rooftops that you are a success.
I think that each and everyday that you walk sober, happy and alive is a day to dance the victory jig. Like you I love to laugh and this laughter gives us all strength.
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